Skip to main content

Little or Big Fish, it's All The Same

Movie Review: Piranha (2010)
Spoilers: none


Whether it's Jaws or little fish with sharp, tiny teeth in the form of a ravaging hungry school of released prehistoric piranha out for food, the thrill is just the same (and just as cheap).

Riddled with plenty of humor of limited affect and characters of arguably more limited appeal, Piranha has what most of us would expect—lots of skin and a few celebrities. Among them are Richard Dreyfuss in an opening segment that does his star status no justice, and Elisabeth Shue as coast guard cop Julie Forester, trying to police wild Lake Victoria on Spring Break. Christopher Lloyd plays Mr. Goodman, a marine biologist.

Available in 3D for slightly more of a thrill, this presentation of aimless gore and countless scenes of partying kids – with their bodies chewed in half and limbs eaten to the bone in impossibly short periods of time – is a thoroughgoing disappointment, despite some funny moments and several suspenseful twists.

This wet and senseless expedition was not in the least poorly made. It was, however, pointlessly made, as a blood-and-guts flirt with hammy humor and horny teens. This doesn't stop it from taking its rightful place in the dry graveyard of ultimately meaningless movies.



Grade: D+ (1 ½ stars)
Rated: R (for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, graphic nudity, sexual content, language, and some drug use)
Director: Alexandre Aja
Summary: After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food.
Starring: Richard Dreyfuss "Matt Boyd," Ving Rhames "Deputy Fallon," Elisabeth Shue "Julie Forester," Christopher Lloyd "Mr. Goodman," Eli Roth "Wet T-Shirt Host," Jerry O'Connell "Derrick Jones," Cody Longo "Todd Dupree," Steven R. McQueen "Jake Forester," Jessica Szohr "Kelly"
Genre:  Comedy / Horror / Thriller


Popular posts from this blog

When Jesus Turns Down the Glory: 10 Worst Ever Christian Songs

It’s a sad testimony when even the creator of a thing realizes that the product isn’t what it was intended to be. Well, actually it’s a good thing. It just doesn’t happen often enough. The Christian music industry is, shall we say, not up to par with where its admirers (and even creators and ardent well-wishers) would hope it would be. And when even the average believer realizes that their music is not market-cornering stuff, all should know that there is a problem.

Now not all Christian music sucks (you might even find a few rock songs from artists like Petra on Joe Holman’s ipod that he still sometimes listens to and enjoys), but what makes the stuff that does suck suck is that what sucks sucks for a number of different reasons. We begin the countdown going from best of the worst to absolute worst...

Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

When free spirit “Jules” (Anna “Go Girls” Hutchison) tells her best friend “Dana” (Kristen “Revolutionary Road” Connolly) what a good time they’ll be having at a cabin in the remote woods, you automatically know and are glad that she has no idea at all what awaits her or her friends, and neither does Jules’ jock boyfriend “Curt” (Chris “Thor” Hemsworth). The same is true of their intellectual friend with his notably piercing gaze, “Holden” (Jesse “Grey’s Anatomy” Williams) and their stoner friend “Marty” (Franz “The Village” Kranz) who seems to have a better grasp of reality, despite himself. Takes all kinds.

After taking off in the RV up the mountain, they stop for gas and run into a weirdly cryptic and confrontational gas station attendant (Tim De Zarn). When they’re back on the road after a near-fight, it isn’t long before they arrive and forget all about it. Following horror movie suit in letting out their whoas about how cool the place is and how much fun they will have losing t…

Movie Review: Django Unchained (2012)

At about 3 hours long, Django Unchained is Quentin Tarantino’s latest mental sickness-inspired adventure of a slave named “Django” (Jamie Foxx) who is freed by a German dentist-turned-bounty hunter, “Dr. King Schultz” (Christoph Waltz) who helps Django rescue his enslaved wife from a cruel plantation owner (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Mississippi.