Skip to main content

Movie Review: Seventh Son (2014)

Action | Adventure | Fantasy, 102 minutes
Director: Sergey Bodrov
Starring: Ben Barnes, Julianne Moore, Jeff
As a seventh son of a seventh son, young “Thomas” (Ben Barnes) is the new apprentice of witch-slayer “Master Gregory” (Jeff Bridges), appointed to replace his now deceased predecessor. Once Thomas' training begins, he faces the added challenge of the coming of the new blood-moon. At such time, “Mother Malkin” (Julianne Moore) — once imprisoned by Gregory — has broken loose to unleash havoc on the world.

In the long and winding quest to destroy witches, which even the church seems reluctant to attempt because these witches are too powerful, Thomas meets and falls in love with “Alice” (Alicia Vikander), another witch, putting a conflict of interest between himself, his master, and his destiny.

The movie Seventh Son has all of the alluring language and symbolism of a good Dungeons and Dragons quest, but most of this is wasted on canned CGI-imbued action sequences, recurrent physical transformations, and unprincipled enemies or otherwise specter presences floating around. It becomes obvious early on that Bridges is having perhaps the most fun of anyone on screen, but only because his reused accent, taken straight from R.I.P.D. (2013) and True Grit (2010), stuck with audiences and he still has fun playing around with it.

Overall, the movie is a terrific bore. Its surprises, hurried pacing, and lavish use of a thick budget don't save it from itself. Its characters are not distinct or well-written enough to engage us. But preceding all of that is the fact that there was simply no springboard to make this film to begin with. Even the face-offs and combat sequences don't proceed with the rewarding expectations they would need to entertain audiences (i.e. if you are going to introduce an evil master undead sword fighter with two sets of arms, then have him fight one of the protagonists!)

Barnes and Vikander we will likely see again, as they offer much more than they had the chance to present to us here. But neither their performances, nor the often relied upon lighthearted humor that the film tries so hard to rely upon do much to make this fantasy adventure more than something that could have ended up as a good made-for-TV event.

Moore, as Mother Malkin, is one of the least relatable characters at any juncture. It takes about 70 minutes of viewing to see a significant rise in interest levels. Without leaving a greater impression on audiences, Seventh Son might as well be seventh from the bottom in movies this year.

Watch Trailer


Popular posts from this blog

When Jesus Turns Down the Glory: 10 Worst Ever Christian Songs

It’s a sad testimony when even the creator of a thing realizes that the product isn’t what it was intended to be. Well, actually it’s a good thing. It just doesn’t happen often enough. The Christian music industry is, shall we say, not up to par with where its admirers (and even creators and ardent well-wishers) would hope it would be. And when even the average believer realizes that their music is not market-cornering stuff, all should know that there is a problem.

Now not all Christian music sucks (you might even find a few rock songs from artists like Petra on Joe Holman’s ipod that he still sometimes listens to and enjoys), but what makes the stuff that does suck suck is that what sucks sucks for a number of different reasons. We begin the countdown going from best of the worst to absolute worst...

Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

When free spirit “Jules” (Anna “Go Girls” Hutchison) tells her best friend “Dana” (Kristen “Revolutionary Road” Connolly) what a good time they’ll be having at a cabin in the remote woods, you automatically know and are glad that she has no idea at all what awaits her or her friends, and neither does Jules’ jock boyfriend “Curt” (Chris “Thor” Hemsworth). The same is true of their intellectual friend with his notably piercing gaze, “Holden” (Jesse “Grey’s Anatomy” Williams) and their stoner friend “Marty” (Franz “The Village” Kranz) who seems to have a better grasp of reality, despite himself. Takes all kinds.

After taking off in the RV up the mountain, they stop for gas and run into a weirdly cryptic and confrontational gas station attendant (Tim De Zarn). When they’re back on the road after a near-fight, it isn’t long before they arrive and forget all about it. Following horror movie suit in letting out their whoas about how cool the place is and how much fun they will have losing t…

Movie Review: Django Unchained (2012)

At about 3 hours long, Django Unchained is Quentin Tarantino’s latest mental sickness-inspired adventure of a slave named “Django” (Jamie Foxx) who is freed by a German dentist-turned-bounty hunter, “Dr. King Schultz” (Christoph Waltz) who helps Django rescue his enslaved wife from a cruel plantation owner (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Mississippi.