Skip to main content

Independent Film Review: The Summer of Massacre (2011)

Escobar Indie Pictures
Runtime: 98 minutes
Rated: No MPAA rating
Director: Joe Castro
Writer: Joe Castro
Starring: Brinke Stevens, Nick Principe, Cleve Hall
Action | Adventure | Horror | Thriller

The Summer of Massacre is an independent horror film that unabashedly aims to be the world record-holder for most on-screen kills in a movie (claiming 155, respectively). This hellish use of tape is the product of the unholy union of editor Steven Escobar and Cult Movies Magazine editor “Schroeder,” under the direction of special effects guru Joe Castro, the guy who brought us Legend of the Chupacabra (2000) and Terror Toons (2002).

After a brief opening, the film is divided into four sub-stories or chapters that give us the carnage from different perspectives and characters. These chapters are...

Chapter 1: Rampage
Chapter 2: Lump
Chapter 3: Son of the Boogieman
Chapter 4: Burn

This makes it practically impossible to give a synopsis, so I’ll leave it at “all sorts of people die violently in this movie.” There, there’s your synopsis. Oh, and if you need more, just ask yourself if you want more since two of the sub-stories in the movie involve a well-groomed white guy beaten and robbed by other well-groomed white guys somehow turning him into a rampaging zombie and two persecuted homosexual firefighters who spend their undead years burning campers alive. So this is not stuff you want to know about, much less see.

So suffice it to say, we’re dealing with on-screen, graphic deaths (but never like we can appreciate them). These deaths happen by: slicing, tearing, ripping, gashing, stabbing, impaling, beating, squishing, choking, burning, staking, cutting, hacking, dismembering, decapitating, hanging, bashing, dicing, chopping, crushing, pounding, spearing, scalping, and suffocating (and I’ve probably left out a few).

Problem is, even for a thousand-mile-an-hour murder marathon, these deaths mean nothing without some kind of story to make them make sense. But make sense this film can and does NOT. An OD’d hippie’s acid trip makes much more sense than this distortion of Hollywood Halloween icons for demented people.


I’m not joking when I say this film was an all-out assault on my senses, and possibly on the concept of creativity itself. I fought the urge multiple times to turn it off (really bad urges). Damn the review! Few movies have managed to be so loathsome, so un-relatable, so unlikable, so distasteful, and so pointless in such hideous train-wreck fashion that they leave the viewer with this much of an overwhelming feeling of time wasted. It hits every bad mark and none of the good ones. Most of the special effects are lazy, blotch-over jobs of color and graphics, which, in addition to not looking credible, give the movie the feel of being a commercial for an energy drink, pitched to sleep-deprived college students and workaholics.


What we have here is a pristine example of why not everyone with an idea to make a movie should make a movie. This convolution of language and imagery has no plot, but not only that, there is not one credibly salvageable idea in the whole badly acted, stinking mess.

After watching it, I felt like I’d been kidnapped and taken to a filthy hospital in Columbia, beaten over the head with a nightstick by a corrupt cop, and left facedown and half-conscious over a patient’s bed pan. I’m not being colorful or cute when I say watching this was one of the cinematically worst experiences of my life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

When Jesus Turns Down the Glory: 10 Worst Ever Christian Songs

It’s a sad testimony when even the creator of a thing realizes that the product isn’t what it was intended to be. Well, actually it’s a good thing. It just doesn’t happen often enough. The Christian music industry is, shall we say, not up to par with where its admirers (and even creators and ardent well-wishers) would hope it would be. And when even the average believer realizes that their music is not market-cornering stuff, all should know that there is a problem.

Now not all Christian music sucks (you might even find a few rock songs from artists like Petra on Joe Holman’s ipod that he still sometimes listens to and enjoys), but what makes the stuff that does suck suck is that what sucks sucks for a number of different reasons. We begin the countdown going from best of the worst to absolute worst...

Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

When free spirit “Jules” (Anna “Go Girls” Hutchison) tells her best friend “Dana” (Kristen “Revolutionary Road” Connolly) what a good time they’ll be having at a cabin in the remote woods, you automatically know and are glad that she has no idea at all what awaits her or her friends, and neither does Jules’ jock boyfriend “Curt” (Chris “Thor” Hemsworth). The same is true of their intellectual friend with his notably piercing gaze, “Holden” (Jesse “Grey’s Anatomy” Williams) and their stoner friend “Marty” (Franz “The Village” Kranz) who seems to have a better grasp of reality, despite himself. Takes all kinds.

After taking off in the RV up the mountain, they stop for gas and run into a weirdly cryptic and confrontational gas station attendant (Tim De Zarn). When they’re back on the road after a near-fight, it isn’t long before they arrive and forget all about it. Following horror movie suit in letting out their whoas about how cool the place is and how much fun they will have losing t…

Movie Review: Django Unchained (2012)

At about 3 hours long, Django Unchained is Quentin Tarantino’s latest mental sickness-inspired adventure of a slave named “Django” (Jamie Foxx) who is freed by a German dentist-turned-bounty hunter, “Dr. King Schultz” (Christoph Waltz) who helps Django rescue his enslaved wife from a cruel plantation owner (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Mississippi.