Deeply Disturbing: Three Simple Ways to Creep People Out

Being ordinary isn't always a good thing. When compared to someone crazy, the status of "ordinary" is certainly sought after. Being like "the rest of us normal people" is what we want, but that shouldn't always be true. There are times when "ordinary" just means "boring," and that means being ignored.

There are times when each and every one of us wants anything but to be ignored. Not being noticed means not being exceptional, whereas being weird means moving too far in the other direction. No one wants to go to extremes, but if I had to pick one, it would be weirdness. That's what makes one memorable and unique. Being less ordinary and more of an oddball is what will make us stand out in the most incredible of ways.

Sometimes the things that stick out about us the most consist of disturbing behavior. The drunk guy at the party, the perv at the bus station, the eccentric creep in line at the post office...those are the things we remember and talk about for years.

Below is the first in a list of subtle ways to creep people the hell out, to put them on edge, thus, succeeding at getting them to keep you in memory, or else quickly run from you. And it will work! Go ahead and be someone's reason for laughter one bland evening. Make them quit calling you or turn around and depart from your sight. Do these things, and at some distant point many years from now, they'll think back at some creepy guy or gal in their past. One way or another, that's a credit to you...

1) The End of Life Creep-out

Have you ever told someone you were considering suicide? It's serious business...most of the time, anyway. People who talk about it normally don't do it, but it gets attention as the cry for help that it is. It changes people's reactions and puts them in a woefully "grave" (pun intended) mindset. This can be used to your advantage when done right.

Consider my little schpeel to a rude New York bill collector who kept calling me and did everything in her power to come off as an obnoxious bitch who couldn't care less about why I couldn't pay...

"Now tell me again why I should make arrangements to pay you when my Colt 45 is loaded right here next to my bed and I'm about to off myself? If you were here, you'd see blood paint these walls. I'd like you to listen as I pull the trigger. How does it feel to know that you will have had a part in making that happen?"

-click-

Imagine how the rest of her day went? She'll probably think a little before she takes her next call.

When you want sympathy, love, affection, or to get bill collectors off your back, this is priceless.

2) The Get-off Creep-out

There is something wickedly revolting about a pervert who shares too much private business in casual conversation. This works beautifully with not just bill collectors, but with any solicitors that call your house un-invitedly. Mix it up and use it whenever you need to make someone hang up on you or walk away from you in a hurried fashion.

My favorite: "Yes, a free cruise to the Bahamas sounds great. Alright, give me just a sec. I'm getting my asshole fingered as we talk....oohhhh, man...feels good!" Second favorite: "Yes, I'm the current resident. My dick's in a chick's mouth, so my responses may sound a bit weird."

-Not long, and there it is again: "click"-

Delightful!

3) The Bad Parent Creep-out

Same application as above, but with a more social facade.

We've all been in public and seen rotten kids supervised by an even more rotten parent with the social graces of a wild ox. Usually, their kind graces the waiting rooms of clinics and hospitals where no one can pay for services as they vainly try to corral their worthless litter: "Jeremiah, get back here or I'm gonna beat you! Now!!! Come here! Damn you! Wait till I tell your father!" Truth: She doesn't know where or who the father is.

But when you do it, just add some profanity or at least some tart descriptions, depending on your settings. Here's a great example...

"Zach, I am going to beat the motherluvin' fuck out of you, you fucking little shit! You are worthless, you fuck! I'm sorry I squirted you out!!"

Here's a less profane (but very funny) example...

Get Off The Shed! - Watch more top selected videos about: Will_Ferrell, Shed

And you can make up so many others! The possibilities are endless!

Why Should I Do Any of These Things?


Because you're bored with what is ordinary and you need excitement, as do others. The naughty part of you is telling you to do it. There is always a situation where making yourself the oddball can work to your advantage. Why not be prepared? Besides, you want to, and life is too short to refuse such easy entertainment.

(JH)

10 comments:

  1. Joe

    If you get a chance e-mail me at feeno@fuse.net

    Late, feeno

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know you can email me just by clicking "email Joe", right?

    (JH)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, Joe, I've been kind of speechless relating to your post. At a loss for words.

    Are you playing around, or really serious?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey, that's good to hear.

    I remember you talking about your love for animals. With your creativity, and writing skills you could be helping out an animal rescue group, or the local SPCA, even making an impact for endangered species.

    I definitely think that life is short, and we should follow our passion. Make an impact, and be remembered in a good way.

    Do you know the story of Dr. Temple Grandin?

    Don't mean to be "preachin" at you here. Sure you would agree anyway, Joe.

    As Feeno would say, "peace out." :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. i love you're sense of humour, you know i'm seen as a kinda "boring" guy on most occasions just because im not as brave as most to make an impression. so what i like to do on occasions is down a bottle of jack and flip down the street wearing a straight jacket screaming obscenities at tree's... not for the fun of seeing people's shocked expressions, it's just they only let me out once a month, and those fucking evergreen's just watch...!

    ReplyDelete
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